裸子
裸子

See you when the moon rises.

正式日記|Postponement

(edited)

很想說點什麼,但不知道該怎麼開頭,就去雲端硬碟翻了翻以前旅行時拍的一些照片,然後忽然發現我現在好少拿起手機拍照了,也許是因為年紀愈大愈感一切竟都如此易逝,而照片的存在僅是記憶的標點符號,可能是驚嘆號、問號或刪節號,沒有上下文;也因如此,便決定在每次的感受升起時只用力感受,而不願再讓拍照一事打斷感受的延續性。

想起高三畢業的暑假,第一次自己一個人去國外旅行時,住在同一個 Hostel 的房客,約莫三十歲的當地男子說要請我喝一杯酒,那晚他對我說起:「照片只不過是一堆上傳到雲端硬碟後便鮮少會再打開的檔案罷了。」這句話我記得特別深刻,儘管當時並不以為然。

過往遇到的人,他們所對我說的話,現在回味起來特別像是一種預言,或說一種需要親身去嘗試後才能驗證的「道理」;尤其對一個十分固執的人來說,沒有跌倒過就不知道痛。


攝於 2017 年

上面是剛剛從雲端硬碟挖到的一張代表「問號」的照片。我只記得是在一個男孩子住的小土屋裡拍的,這是他的書,但我完全想不起來書名是什麼。男孩子大我一兩歲,是一名藝術家,傍晚會騎著檔車去附近小鎮旅館工作,白天睡醒後會搞創作。第一次見面時他很親切地對我說,房子不會上鎖,裡面的東西我都可以用,包括一些書、一台唱片機與一疊黑膠、吉他、雕刻工具等等,還有一隻可愛的白貓 : )

其實我跟他真正碰面也只有兩三次,因為每次我工作完晃去他的小土屋時,他大概也早已出門打工去了;最後一次見面則是要還他雕刻刀、書以及道別。

旅行時所產生的關係就像人生的縮影,隨時都要準備道別、準備上路。



以下引用自照片中的書頁內文 which resonates in my mind at the moment:

Does time speed up when two bodies are joined, and does time slow down when a body is alone? Are bodies motionless only when dead? Can the dead move, through haunting and replication? Is a boy like a boy? Is a girl like a girl? How do categories—mother, hustler, star, maniac—overlap? Is love a movement, and am I part of it? These are abstract questions, but to Warhol, and to sympathetic viewers of his films and artworks, they are as palpable as eight hours' sleep, eight hours' insomnia.
His art ponders what it feels like to wait for sex; to wait, during sex, for it to end; to wait, during sex's prelude, for the real "sex" to begin; to desire a man you are looking at; to endure postponement, perhaps for a lifetime, as you wait for the man to turn around and look back at you.
CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

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