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Asylum Daily #16

It pains me that I am keep writing this daily in the country of my choice.

Update or edited version could be found on github.

Sorry, this entry is for myself. Originally started writing this entry just for my own referenece. But the accusations, the official denials of what one has said makes me want to keep record. It could mean things could get worse quickly, as if it's not bad enough.

It pains me that I am keep writing this daily in the country of my choice.

It is a shame that this has become a shame.

Similar to how our home became a shame.

I am ashamed for being useless,

but not for this shame.



Was told to go to the officer room on the same floor. Inside was the female in officer uniform before and 2 interpreters. Was told that I won't get the allowance if I don't sign that application because it is a new rule that everyone has to sign that application to get the allowance. Asked where was that new rule from. Repeated a few times for the address of the website instead of just a sentence of the law in Lithuanian. At the end, I asked why couldn't her give me the address and she said because I didn't show her my phone. Didn't see why she could write the sentence but not the address on a paper. I was also told that I have to make my decision within 2 hours because they will be distributing the allowance. I said she could have told me earlier instead of leaving 2 hours for me to translate and understand the law. She said she couldn't speak to me everyday. I asked what she was even talking about, I didn't ask her to speak to me everyday. At last, I was showed a website with the articles finally. Took photos of the address and the law from the screen of her phone. The last photo was not clear, but again she took the phone immediately after and I couldn't do it again. Fine, still much better than what I expected since last time. By the end, I asked for her job title and staff ID, she said she didn't want to tell me.

About 2 hours later, the only roommate in the room was told to go collect the allowance. I wasn't told to go. I went to the room myself minutes later. They have just left and I found the female at the staircases. I told her I didn't find anything about the new rule about application for the allowance. She said where it is but I couldn't read the lithuanianand have to checked later. According to what I understood at that point, I said that it seemed to mean the appļication for asylum and I raised the question that the law she pointed to was not new. She questioned if I understand the law and left as usual saying that she was buzy or something like that. I followed but stopped outside the ldoor of a room where she meet with someone else. I checked the law again and found that it does say something about applying for the allowance while also recalling that I signed something similar in Pabrade already.

I waited outside the room and knocked the door when someone came out. She told me to close the door and wait.

When she came out, I told her I believe I signed the application for allowance in Pabrade already. She said she didn't see the record of that and that's why she ask us to sign again. I forgot to question again why she said that was a new rule. She asked if I asked questions in Pabrade and what the answers were. I said there was no reply most of the time. She said it's the same here. During this conversation she was more patient than before but made accusations of me not wanting to comunicate and shouted at her last time. I rebutted that it was the opposite, that she shouted at me and made it hard while I was just asking to take a photo. She said a few times that she helps everyone a lot during the conversation. I said she mentioned another day that she saw on the computer system my asylum seeker was register just a month before that, there seems to be something wrong with my record arccording to what she said. She said she felt the same. I asked if she could see the changes of my status. She said she can and that she would inform me about that the day after (the then tomorrow). I said I was not rushing her and she could take her time. She said she would check for other people too so she would also check mine and inform me the day after. She said, however, I had to decide if I would sign the application form immediately. I replied that I could not, because I need to know what happened and what was happening to my status first. She said it didn't make sense because the 2 matters are unrelated. I said it did because it is an allowance for asylum seekers and I probably had signed an application long ago. She repeated a few times that my status changes were unrelated, asked me to sign the application or write that I refuse to take and that her colleague left with the money already, so I couldn't get the money that day. I replied each time that I need to know clearly or at least clearer about what was happening and what happened before making the decision. At the end, I asked about how I would be informed about what happened to my status. She went to the board (we were in the hallway), pointed at a note and told me about the request making procedure. I said she told me she would inform me about that the day after. She said because I said I would sign the application as she began to leave. I said I never said that. She accused me of not wanting to communicate. I asked how I was not wanting to communicate. Of course she didn't stop. Alright, that's a stupid question, she even said I wasted "precious time" last time I asked to take a photo when she was the one who kept moving the papers.

As I am writing this entry, a male interpretor (someone other than the 2 in the morning) came to my room and asked me to go to the classroom, saying that the officers wanted to talk to me. I asked who that was and what was it about. He said he didn't know. I said I didn't quite remember who he was when we were going downstairs. He said he is an interpretor. Arrived at the classroom, it was the same female. She was talking to someone else, the interpretor went in, said 4 minutes, I waited outside. Waited for more than 4 minutes, maybe 14, but at least wasn't 40. This is petty, but I am writing this intentionally. Just for refernece about how I was always told that she was buzy and I was the one waiting for the others to finish first, along with all the other things, this kind of pettiness has become a large part of my life. I am guessing if I never talk about them, it will be hard to explain why they are not just "happens" when I need to.

The female said that she looked at my record and asked if I was interested. I replied of coutse. She said she found that my status was asylum seeker since april and nothing else ever since. It could be that I didn't get allowance before because I didn't sign the application at the Pabrade Centre. I replied that she said she saw on the computer system that I was registered as asylum seeker just a month before that last. She denied she said that. The interpretor said he was there (yes, he was there. I asked him something when she handled the cases of the other people as they came during that conversation, because he also tried to say something that time, and he said wait for her) and he could confirm she didn't. He said she said maybe that's what happened. I said no, if that's the case, there was no way she would say "she saw on the computer system" that my asylum status was registered just a month before. She said that's why she didn't say that. I said she did. They kept denying. I said I must point out that was not the case, but it was pointless to argue over it. She agreed. I said I understood what they were saying and asked if there was anything else she wanted to told me. She said yes and repeated about the application. I said I had to think about what they had just said. They asked me if I wanted the allowance or not. Something to add here is that they kept repeating the 2 choices:

1, sign the application that's is unclear of what it is

2, or refuse to take the allowance

During the conversation in the morning and when I was asked to sign the application last week, I stated I cannot sign the application because it is too unclear. But I would like to receive the allowance if the allowance is for asylum seekers and if I am indeed an asylum seeker.

This time I said that I could absolutely use the allowance because if I had plenty of money or just enough money, I wouldn't have come to the Centers to begin with, But I couldn't sign that unclear application (not after all that have happened). The female said the application form is official. I asked again if I could write a clearer one. The answer was no, she said I have to ask the minister. In the morning, I also asked if she could write her explanation on the application, the answer was also no. The interpretor joined and said it was clear, it's for the allowance for asylum seeker. I said they could explain clearly, it is also clearly written on the website, but the problem was that the paper I have to sign was not clear. Similars are repeated a few times, the female mentioned she needed to leave, I also didn't see anything coming out of the repetition, the last one who spoke was the interpretor. He said that he studys law (or studied, not sure), it was simple, either I sign and get the allowance or I don't sign and I don't get it. I just slightly waved my hand as I didn't what it changes.

During this conversation she also said something like I could find another officer other than her. She asked if I have asked other officers. I said most of the time the replies were that they don't speak English. Not the first time today that she talked as if I was the one being impolite.

Saw them again later the same day. Waited for her to finish with some other people, she turned to leave right after they are finished. I followed and said I wanted to ask a question. She said she wanted to go home. The last guy she finished with said something behind me. The female came back to him and made a short conversation with him and continued to leave in another direction. I followed again and said just a simple question. She stopped. I asked why she said it was a new rule that we have to sign the application to get the allowance in the morning, what did she mean by new. Her answer was that she explained everything clearly already and kept going. I said she didn't explain why she said it's new. She didn't stop.

Actually at some point she said something like it had been in place for months already. She asks us to sign again because she doesn't see the record. Doesn't seem to me it explains why it would be said to be a new rule.

Talk about new rules. Happened I also heard about a new rule during meals. A new rule that we cannot leave with food. I saw quite some people were stopped when I had meals there. There had always been many people who take the food back to their room. But it happened I left with some food a few times recently.

There have been a lot of "happens", like I wrote in the last "Hongkonese" entry. Wanted to mention some of them here, but I guess this entry is long enough. Just a reminder, I am not saying that every single one of the "happens" must be "designed", but it is most unlikely that all of them were really happened by chance. And it is actually more likely that most of them are intended.

Pettiness has become a large part of my life. The other parts, hopeless.


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